|F*CK NEW LINE CINEMA! My 'Hobbit' dreams crushed...
||[Nov. 20th, 2006|06:18 am]
*WARNING: This post is going to have a LOT of swearing...I mean it. A whole lot. Don't read if this offends you*
So, I got home from work, purchased some ridiculously cheap bottles of Red Phoenix and Hungry Ghost Moon BPAL scents (I promise I'll get around to making a post explaining my new scented oil obsession...eventually!), got some more cleaning done, got ready for another meeting about my house tomorrow, and was in a pretty damn good mood.
And then I saw this, over at TORN:
Extremely, EXTREMELY depressing letter from PJ and Fran
Damn you straight to hell, New Line! The special hell, where there are no libraries or internet and all that's on TV is Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline, and the Olson twins, and the only movies ever shown are Deuce Bigalow and Joe Dirt spin-offs. Especially you, Mark Ordesky, you who had so much face time on the EE documentaries. You moronic fuckwad. You had a fucking goldmine in your hands, and a 100% guaranteed quality product (say what you will about canon, but you can't deny PJ's movies are well-made and entertaining) made by fans for fans, the potential for hundreds of millions of dollars in ticket sales, DVDs, tie-ins (I MUST have a Thranduil action figure!) and possibly more Oscars, and you threw it away. You didn't get your underhanded lawsuit deal, so like a spoiled brat that doesn't get his way, you're going to take your toys and go home. Well, good fucking luck shopping it around! You'd better find one fan-fucking-tastic director who can distinguish your movie from the LOTR trilogy or 'The Hobbit' will seem like nothing more than a pale copy of PJ's work.
ARRRGH! How can I be so pissed off and so depressed at the same time? Peter was going to make the movie of my dreams! Ian McKellen was guaranteed to return; in fact, Peter wouldn't do 'The Hobbit' without him! And Legolas...oh, my dear sweet Elf...Peter was going to make damned sure you had a part in the scenes involving Thranduil! I would have paid absolutely any ticket price to see Orlando become the elf again. And it would even be in line with canon, dammit! I've had my heart set on seeing some father/son Thranduil/Legolas interaction, and now I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. And I don't want to see anyone but Weta do the Battle of Five Armies, and Legolas could have had another PJ stunt, cheesiness be damned! And a second 'prequel' movie with the White Council and Dol Guldur and the Necromancer and all the behind the scenes goings-on leading up to LOTR...I don't think there's a chance in hell they'll ever find another director this qualified to do that kind of material. *sobs at lost possibilities* I mean, Legolas could have some great dwarf moments! Legolas could have met Gloin! *sobs harder* And Gollum! Like hell they're going to be able to duplicate that so well! *collapses weeping*
As much as this sucks, the worst part is that I know I will go see any version of 'The Hobbit', regardless of who makes it. I love the characters too damn much to pass up a chance to see them, no matter the format. *cluctes sad copy of Ralph Bakski's godawful version of LOTR* Actually, I'm kinda hoping that a non-PJ 'Hobbit' will tank completely. If it's just kinda-good or mediocre, that might be the end of it, but if it absolutely blows monkey balls, I can hold out some hope that someday, someone, somewhere, will get around to making it right. I'm secretly hoping, too, that New Zealand will proudly toss aside possible movie-making industry profits, stand by their boy PJ, and say 'Film your goddamn movie somewhere else, Assholes! Good luck finding another Middle-earth!' Of course, if any of the previous cast or crew get onboard, I'll wish them success gladly...but I'm hoping they boycott as well, despite how much it would suck not to have them involved. Especially Sir Ian. And Andy Serkis.
I hope Stephen Colbert rips New Line a gaping new one when he gets back from Thanksgiving hiatus. This deserves WAY more than a 'Wag of the Finger'! GRRRRR!
Hey wait...maybe Stephen wants to learn to direct! That's about the only thing that could cheer me up right now...