|So much for 'Happy Holidays'
||[Nov. 29th, 2005|08:29 pm]
Why does it seem like all my relatives keep dying around the holidays? It was two years ago that my mom's dad had a stroke and suffered a significant decline in December, such that we spent Christmas visiting him in the hospital, and then we had his funeral only a month or two later. And now this...
*sigh* I'm about to lose my only living grandparent, and just in time to totally ruin the joyful holiday times. My dad's father too had a stroke, only he had it in early November this year and declined MUCH faster than my other grandpa. Papa has had a lot of medical problems and hasn't been really well in a long time, but this was pretty sudden, all things considered. Actually, he's been really lucky to be around this long since he had bypass surgery over 10 years ago and we thought we might lose him then. It's not so much that I'm going to have problems letting him go; like I said, he hasn't been all that well, and I know he misses my grandmother who died about 7 years ago. He's in his late 70's, and he's lived a long life, and he's earned a rest. It's my dad I'm worried for. They were incredibly close, and spoke on the phone practically daily for at least the last couple years. This is going to be really hard on him, and I know it's going to be hard on me and my family watching him deal with this. Also, I really hate going to funerals. I'm the type of person who cries at funerals in movies too, so it's even worse at real ones where I know the people involved.
I'm tired of crying lately. I cried both times I saw 'Goblet of Fire', I cried last night when I saw 'RENT', I cried again late last night when I read a fanfic about Legolas dealing with the death of Arod (faithful horses dying for their masters is a proven tearjerker that gets me every time and I should know better by now than to read these when I'm already depressed). My mom rented 'Finding Neverland' from the library and I refused to watch it right now because I know it'll just make me cry again at the end. I know I'm going to cry buckets at the funeral when it happens, and I've had enough.
I desperately need to find something happy to occupy my mind for awhile. Talking to sirenprincess helped earlier today, but helping my mom pack to go down to the hospital in Missouri where my dad is already at, and writing the email to my boss letting him know I'm probably going to need funeral time in the next week or so brought me back to reality again. I've got to pack too, to go back home so I can start up my work week again tomorrow, but maybe I'll have time later to play video games later. It's better than nothing, and will at least keep my attention for awhile.