||[Sep. 19th, 2004|10:07 pm]
|||||Escaflowne - Dance of Curse||]|
Well, it's over. After several weeks of internal debate and much talking with my mom and best friends, I broke up with the boyfriend today (if he was ever truly my boyfriend). In my heart, I never really considered us as boyfriend and girlfriend; he was just a guy that I was having fun getting to know and feeling things out for any chance of a potential relationship. In the end, although he was a perfect gentleman towards me, there was just no chemistry between us, IMHO. We didn't have all that much in common other than that we both were in marching band at school, and that we both liked computers. Also, he has certain ingrained attitudes and beliefs that I thought might become issues if we stayed together longer and got more serious: he's hardcore pro-Bush, has made multiple negative comments about gays and minorities in my presence (which I asked him to stop--it's the only thing I've ever put my foot down about--but they continued to slip out now and then), and in general was just very cynical and negative about a lot of things.
I had a good time the first several dates, but now I wonder if that had more to do with the fun things we were doing than the company I was in. Finally, when we went to a local festival and went shopping together, and it seemed like it wasn't very enjoyable for either of us to just hang out somewhere together, I knew I had to call it off. It was becoming almost a chore to me, to have to give up a normally relaxing weekend and go out with him. I did it because he was so nice, but I secretly resented him taking up my precious downtime I need to recover from work and unwind.
It was hard telling him tonight and I had butterflies in my stomach as I was driving over to his place. I really didn't have much appetite for the dinner he cooked either. I felt guilty eating his food when I knew what I was about to say to him, but now that it's done, I'm almost relieved. Oh well, at least it's good personal experience that I can learn from in the future...