Log in

No account? Create an account
Interesting...I always knew I was somewhat messed up! Disorder… - Lady Korana — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lady Korana

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[Apr. 17th, 2004|05:30 pm]
Lady Korana
[mood |lazylazy]

Interesting...I always knew I was somewhat messed up!

Avoidant:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

I always get the same result on these Sorting Quizzes...well, once I got Slytherin, but green makes me think of Legolas, so I was ok with it *G*
i'm in ravenclaw!

be sorted @ nimbo.net

[User Picture]From: tarotgal
2004-04-17 10:29 pm (UTC)
Whoohoo! Let's hear it for messed up people!
All these people getting perfectly normal low-moderate scores. So uninteresting. I don't trust people who aren't a little screwed up LOL
I find it interesting that you're both Dependent and Narcissistic. Those are complete opposites in my head, though I don't they don't have to be. It's just my lowered self confidence that brings out the dependent side of me. So I can't be self-centered if I have a low opinion of myself... and can't be choosy if I socially avoid people and stuff. Tis interesting the mix you've got going on.
I love these quizzes. Always gives me interesting things to think about where my characters are concerned.

Oh, and I got Hufflepuff. Again. I always get Hufflepuff. Don't know why I continue to take those quizzes. LOL
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ladykorana
2004-04-17 10:50 pm (UTC)
Regarding the Dependent vs. Narcissistic thing: I'm a very self-conscious person, and I have low self-confidence, this I know. I live alone with my cat, but I miss living with my best friend. We took care of each other...and frankly, I like being taken care of. I like being told or reminded what to do and when, as I'm scatterbrained and sometimes need reminding. I dislike making decisions without a second opinion. And most of all, I miss sharing my life with another person who loves me. We made dinner for each other, watched tv together, shopped together, gave each other backrubs, shared fandoms, etc. So I'm definitely dependent.

The thing is, the arrogance comes in with the career. I admit this fully...I've always felt...well..superior when it comes to intelligence. Academically, things always came easy to me until college, and I know I must have been a pain to be around when we got test results back in junior high. I know I made no secret that I was always very pleased with my test results and so forth. It was not until high school when I realized that being obviously happy about my good grades, and staying after class to chat with and befriend the teacher annoyed people. I became more restrained on test days, though I didn't stop talking to my teacher friends.

Anyway, I'm not sure if it's universal, but it's definitely true for both me and my best friend: Pharmacists are rather arrogant, subconsiously. We make it through a hard program, we make a lot of money right out of school, and we provide a lot of services to the least educated groups in society. Don't take this the wrong way...we don't act snotty or condescending to patients or our other friends or anything, it's just that we like to associate with other people of high intelligence whenever possible in our off time.

It's interesting how many pharmacists have common personality traits. Another interesting note is that I don't know a single pharmacist who doesn't like to drink. Almost every pharmacy party and professional conference includes a rather large quantity of alcohol. I theorize that the overwhelming stress drives us to drink when we can.

But anyway, hopefully in that rambling response, you understand how I can be both dependent and narcissitic at the same time.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: tarotgal
2004-04-17 11:12 pm (UTC)
That does indeed make a lot of sense. Thanks for explaining! And not to seem narcissitic myself, but I can relate to everything you're saying very well. I was always in that top percentile everyone looked up to grade-wise. Never really had to try hard in school until parts of college and parts of grad school.(And I LOVED having conversations with teachers after hours... which is probably why I always ate lunch in classrooms instead of the cafeteria... yeah... I was a dork, but there was a nice dork population at my school) And I totally understand what you mean about getting through a hard program and making good money- most of the computer scientists around me are exactly like that for that very reason.
It's an odd trait of women in my field, however, to be different. Even though we tend to score equally or above the majority of men on assignments and tests, our confidence in our abilities is significantly lower. The main factor of this is the egotistical talk of our male counterparts. Even when I score much better than male friends, they talk as though they're the gods of computing... and I know I'm not a goddess of computing, nomatter how good I am. And I KNOW intrisically that I'm just as intelligent if not more-so for my A's in hard courses... but I just can't admit it to myself because of the inflation when they boast about their accomplishments. But it's a VERY common trend in women in my field... which is sad. TONS of support groups for computer science women with low confidence, though. And lots of studies trying to help improve the problem... as I've tried to do as well.LOL

So I know I'm smart... I know I have all these great abilities... and my self esteem is actually not all that bad-I think I'm a great person, really. Smart, moral, caring, etc. My self efficacy, however, sucks. Sometimes I think I'm smart enough to change the world... and other times I come to my senses and think I'm a worthless human being because no matter how much I actually work towards that, I'll never change the world completely. And if it's not going to be perfect, I'm not going to do it. LOL

It's also the fact that I am friends with so many equally smart people (friends who were in the advanced courses with me, etc.) that I feel that the tiniest thing they do better than me is HUGE and that I'm worthless for not doing as well. I try to remind myself that I'm still WAY above the average... and that there are things I can do that they can't, that don't show up in tests, etc. But that's not much of a comfort when I'm surrounded by geniuses. LOL
One of my friends is pre-med... and another is a chemistry major who desperately wants to be a pharmacist... so I have been around a lot of people with the mindset your describe- and y'all CERTAINLY deserve to feel good for getting through such incredibly difficult programs!
I wish I could feel the same. I look at all the people who drop out of Computer Science because it's too hard (we've got something like a 70% drop rate at my uni) but instead of being proud to have succeeded so very well in it, I just feel like I should have been doing something to help the others stay in, etc. I just find fault in myself WAY too easily. Which is where the obsessive-compulsive thing comes in.

And *sigh* You're making me miss my old college roommate. We were inseparable. It was SO nice to know someone was looking out for me all the time, too. *sigh*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ladykorana
2004-04-17 11:24 pm (UTC)
Pharmacy is a very female-dominated career. Our proportion of female to male students was about 70%/30%. Good way to empower females, but very bad ratio for finding potential mates.

The thing is, I still feel very much inferior to my best friend...she got better grades, was involved in more activities, has a better memory and ability to recall facts and knowledge, and is currently working for a large drug company. On top of all this, she has way better fashion sense, and social skills. She's the one I mentioned was engaged back when you wrote that Aragorn/Legolas story about changing lives.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: tarotgal
2004-04-18 12:40 am (UTC)
Wow... what a fantastic ratio. Right now my department is 5% females(it was 13% when I was a freshman, but has dropped since, obviously) and 95% males. And the men definitely make themselves heard to such an extent that it feels like 1% to 150% sometimes.
There's a LOT of "you're not as much of a geek as me because you're not a guy" mentality, even in the professors. So many of the females don't fight the good fight, no matter how smart they are, they figure they'll never be as good. It's terribly sad. (Which is one of my big 'changed the world' points)

*sigh* I ADORE my friends, even though I think they're all better than me. heehee It's an odd feeling, to feel so much affection and caring towards someone you feel inferrior to. But it's bound to happen. THere's always someone out there better and smarter. And you always want them to do well, even if you wish they were at your level.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)